Darkness

I'm currently laid a little low with a springtime (Southern hemisphere) cold. Consequently, I'm a little lethargic and rely on the words of others to express feelings.

It's almost one year since I arrived in Australia. Upon my arrival I bought two CDs, both of which have been instrumental in my mental/emotional paradigm shift.

Peter Gabriel's Up album opens with this track, Darkness. For such a...er..."dark" title, it's positive content helped me see my predicament for what it was.

iÂ’m scared of swimming in the sea
dark shapes moving under me
every fear i swallow makes me small
inconsequential things occur
alarms are triggered
memories stir
itÂ’s not the way it has to be

iÂ’m afraid of what i do not know
i hate being undermined
iÂ’m afraid i can be devil man
and iÂ’m scared to be divine
donÂ’t mess with me my fuse is short
beneath this skin these fragments caught

when i allow it to be
thereÂ’s no control over me
i have my fears
but they do not have me

walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods
the deeper i go, the darker it gets
i peer through the window
knock at the door
and the monster i was
so afraid of
lies curled up on the floor
is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy

i cry until i laugh

iÂ’m afraid of being mothered
with my balls shut in the pen
iÂ’m afraid of loving women
and iÂ’m scared of loving men
flashbacks coming in every night
donÂ’t tell me everythingÂ’s alright

when i allow it to be
it has no control over me
i own my fear
so it doesnÂ’t own me

walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods
the deeper i go, the darker it gets
i peer through the window
knock at the door
and the monster i was
so afraid of
lies curled up on the floor
is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy

i cry until i laugh